i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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