i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was confusing and full of hummus
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
