so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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