i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
