im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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