I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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