I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
