I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
