They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my poor anus
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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