I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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