Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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