she was so not down for the gang bang
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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