I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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