i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
