Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
