How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
