thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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