thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
