I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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