Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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