Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
