I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
