What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
