Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
