You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
