Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
