im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
