I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
