once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
