I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize