someone threw a dead crab at me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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