it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Vodka?
Forever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
