yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think my vagina is haunted
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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