worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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