i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
