His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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