Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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