last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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