The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
