whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
