jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last night I used snow as a chaser
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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