Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
