i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
