The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
