i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
