Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize