Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
