Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
