It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
