It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
