Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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