I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize