I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the condom got lost in my hair
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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