We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize