i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
