There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
