Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
