Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
