whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
