Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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