cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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