Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
