We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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