somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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