Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Mom said you looked used
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
