Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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