I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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